Back on Track

We seem to be back on track. Thank God!! I think once he gets things off his chest he feels much better. I have to admit I still go back to when we lost the house we were going to buy. I still feel the pain in my heart. It will be a year in 4 days. I think it might take another year to really feel better about the whole house issue. When I do think about it my eyes tear up my chest hurts. My husband and I have heard the word no for so long now you think we would be use to it. When people say it was meant to be that to me feels like a sack of shit.

Some times it just seems that life isn't going your way. You sit back and watch your friends have their good times, yes sometimes bad times. It seems to be more good then bad. They go on vacations have great Christmas's' and birthday parties for their children. You just wonder what you did so wrong in life to be where you are.

Don't get me wrong I know there are people alot worst off then me. We just seem to be stuck in that spot of too much money for help but not enough to pay all the bills on time.

Worried

Things seemed as if we were going back to the old ways. My husband has been getting angry at everything again. I tried to do what our therapist said to do but it did not help. So then I get angry. Which turns in to a major fight. Well it was time for our therapy apt. He didn't want me to go with him. I said this is our marriage so its our problem we need to go together. I called our therapist two hours before our apt. letting her know I needed to talk about how my husband has been acting. So she took us in individually for about 10 minutes each.

Well I found out several things that have been his triggers. One our daughter bought her own house. (In the past we were all going to buy a house together, the buyer of our house backed out. It broke our hearts) Then the guy who it his car with the company truck told him since he did that now he not getting his raise. He said it has if my husband should not have said anything. OH WELL. He doesn't deserve a raise.

So now that everything is out in the open I hope things will come down. I not sure how to block this out. I need to find a way to listen and not take it personally.

Camping Trip

My son left for his school camping trip today. The will be gone for three days. I am excited for him but am at the same time worried. He dose have a bit of his fathers temper in him. All the kids will be staying in cabins. I am really hoping that they don't get much rain. They will be going on hikes rain or shine. This is not the first time he has been away for several days. He did go to Florida with his older sister this pasted Christmas.

So the next few days will be just me and hubs. We really don't see much of each other durning the week since I work nights and he works days.

My husband finally got his car back from the accident. He is really happy with the new paint job. It dose look much better!

Cooking

I do have to say things have been better. Even when one of his coworkers backed into his car with one of the company trucks he wasnt mad. Now that surprised me. I dont know if it was because he is going to get the paint job for his car he always wanted or something else.

The one thing that still sets him off is our son. He can not handle our son getting angry over his games. He just wants to go upstairs and rip the system out and throw it away. So over the weekend I discovered this show called Cooking Yourself Thin. II thought I would try a couple of these recipes. Since I work nights I was going to make two meals in the same day. Well since my husband was not handling ours sons temper on his games very well, it meant he cant handle anything well. Now here I am cooking for my family (which I don't do much of) and he is getting mad saying it was too much and I was making a huge mess. He said noway was he going to help me clean up. Did he enjoy the meal I made? Of course he did.

Now do I look at this as he was stressing over our son and let it go? Do I bring it up later and say how it made me feel?

About two weeks ago the three of us went to therapy. I think my husband and son need to go together. It just so happen that my son was off from school because of spring break. I think it went well. But I do believe they need to go more often together. Well this past week has been a little tough. My husband wanted to trade in his motor cycle (which I was not happy about) and was turned down for a loan. I should tell you its the same company he has the loan now through. I believe its all to do with the bad economy. We just paid off our car and had no lates on our report.

The reason I tell you all this is because now my husband will be in a funk for at least a month over this. So alot of bad moods. Which for him means he needs more control. Even though I know all this it doesn't make it any easier on me. Which means things have to be done his way. I want some control and end up spending money we don't have. Also I get a little pushy when he is acting all controlling which cause problems also. Top it all off a check bounced.

The daily worries

Well today has been a little hectic. My day started with taking our dog for her morning walk. For some reason she did not do her morning business. So half hour later I tried again and again still no luck. Since I had to go to my part time job this morning I put her in her crate. So when I got home for lunch she finally did her deed. I told my son I would leave a note to let him know if she went. Well husband got home first and must have taken advantage of that note and didn't take the dog out. He made the dog wait an hour till our son got home and made him take the dog out.

He then calls me at work to let me know I left the bathroom door open (with the dog lose). But thank god there was no mess to clean up. The dog loves to pull stuff out of the trash can. Plus I left the bedroom light on. I quess this means when I notice a mistake he makes I should call him at work.

The shut off notice came for the water bill today. What else is new. Some how I got lucky and mailed the car insurance just in time or it would be cancelled. Between the bills and father and son fighting on who does what, I need a vacation. Since the bills are over due I guess thats not going to happen any time soon.

Well after my full time job today I will go home and crawl in bed (I work nights) and read "Twlight". That will help me unwind!

WOW

I have to say things have been going really good. We have had two counselling appts since I last posted. We decided we needed to do more things together. We talked about bikes in session. To be honest I really didn't think anything would come from that. But that weekend we went out and bought bikes. Now its a family outing! My son loves to go riding with us. Its mostly a weekend adventure. I agree I would stay in the living room when I read so my husband doesn't feel alone. The thing he needs to work on is trying to talk to me while I'm reading. I give him the warning "Do you want me to go upstairs?". That gently reminds him of our agreement. So we went for our next appt. there wasn't much to talk about. So the next appt. he will go by himself. He needs to work on several issues he has.