New Ways

I have started learning to not wait when something bugs me. I will now say hay I don't like when you do that. I have also learned I need me time. Life is to short. If I don't get out and do things for myself no one else will do it. I still take care of my son. I will make sure he is well taken care of. But I have learn if you always put yourself last things will fall apart. I think when I got married I felt life was about him. I grew up in home where my mother did not work. I didn't understand that when you are working and he is working it should be a 50/50 relationship. I felt guilty if I did not do it all. Well not anymore!! I try and make everyone do their fair share.

Treatment

Well I had my second visit with my therapist. I talked about how I gave up so much of my past that I now have regrets. In the beginning my husband would go to the bar after work. I would stay home keeping dinner warm. If he didn't want to do what I wanted to do it would turn it to fight. He would either complain about the traffic of getting there or the parking. He would do this to the point it would ruin what ever we were suppose to do. So after awhile of this I would just give up on doing things. It was never any fun anymore. So now I want to start life anew. I want to do things for myself. As for doing things with my husband that's still a big fat no.

Anger

Man have I been rude to my husband. Its hard not to. Which I believe he deserves. Of course he dont know why. He is in such denial. He even asked if I wanted to have sex. Yeah maybe by myself. He had an anger issue this weekend. Of course he felt he was not out of control. I just want a loving family. I dont want to have to tiptoe around anymore.

2 1/2 weeks

I am now back home. My husband has had his second counselling appt. I will have my first on Friday. I will be going to a different agency then he is going. I told him that I dont know what my feelings are now. I am not sure if I even love him anymore. At bed time he thought I was going to sleep in the same bed as him. He does not get it! I can barly talk to him.