Old Ways

I think my husband slipped back into his old ways. He came home from work and started yelling why there was wrestling on tv. Well I had happened to be watching a show and when it went off I went into the bathroom and the next show came on. That is when he came home. Now if he would have accepted that answer everything would have been ok. But nooooo! He just kept getting madder and madder. I said please tell me you are not really that mad about this. He said yes. He would not stop until I said this is not going to work. Well you know that got him to calm down real fast. Then I found out the real reason he was so mad was that I asked him to check with his work to see about putting our son on his health insurance. He had to call the office three times and of course open enrollment already pasted. He had to hear the song and dance about why he could not do it. It makes me afraid to ask him to do anything. If he has a problem doing it then I have to face the music. Its not like someone just in a bad mood, everything is an explosion. I could handle a little angry but this is too much. He has his therapy appointment today. Lets hope this helps.

Fight

Well we had a fight Friday night. I went a couple houses down the street to my friends house to get out the house for awhile. Well while down there she wanted to watch a movie. So I called home to have my son record my show. Well my husband yelled at him cause he didn't know what channel it was on and told him to go upstairs. Well when I tried to call back and find out what was going on he first wont answer the phone. When my husband finally answered he said if you want something recorded come home and do it your self. Well you know that didn't go over very smoothly. I came home and yelled what the heck is your problem. First he states he was half sleep and was confused and then states that our son came down and changed the channel on him. Well of course I caught him on that one. How can you be watching TV while you were sleeping. I said my peace and left the room. The next day I made him talk about what happen. I don't want to hold grudges anymore. I hope that will make a difference.

Thanksgiving

Well Thanksgiving will be here next week. My daughter and her husband will coming to our house. So if things keep going as they have things should be fine. There has been no fighting or yelling in a long time. I am hoping for a happy day. I'm going to push for him to cook somethings. I have to admit that I want him to help but I am one not to ask for help. Some times I don't ask for help cause I don't want to hear that he doesn't want to help. Some times I just want to be super mom and do it all by myself. We have been shopping together for food which I think might be a mistake. We always seem to spend alot more money when he tags along.

Our children

I have two children that our 15 years apart in age. They both have a love hate relationship with their father. Their father lets things go till it drives him nuts. Then he flips. So he thinks he is being gentle with them when in reality he is causing more harm then good. My daughter had the chance to move out at 18 and she took it. She ran out the door. I fear for my son that he will become the same angry person. I already see angry issues with him. I just hope its not to late.

First therapy appt

Well we had our first therapy appointment. I am not sure I like the therapist. I don't know if she understands my husband anger. Maybe she thinks that he has been married this long how bad could it be. I do have to admit we always get along better when we are in therapy. This is our third time going. We have been getting along much better these past few weeks. I still urn for my freedom. Which I think most wives do. I think its time to set up another night out with the girls.

A little better

Things have been going alot smoother. The only thing now is he can not understand why we don't have any money. Its all about what he wants and he wants it now. He has never paid any of the bills. That's my job. So I guess I look like the bad guy when I say we don't have any money. We go to our first together counselling session next week. We will be going to his counselor. I am not thrilled with mine. I have been stronger about my feelings and speaking up when something is brothering me.

New Ways

I have started learning to not wait when something bugs me. I will now say hay I don't like when you do that. I have also learned I need me time. Life is to short. If I don't get out and do things for myself no one else will do it. I still take care of my son. I will make sure he is well taken care of. But I have learn if you always put yourself last things will fall apart. I think when I got married I felt life was about him. I grew up in home where my mother did not work. I didn't understand that when you are working and he is working it should be a 50/50 relationship. I felt guilty if I did not do it all. Well not anymore!! I try and make everyone do their fair share.

Treatment

Well I had my second visit with my therapist. I talked about how I gave up so much of my past that I now have regrets. In the beginning my husband would go to the bar after work. I would stay home keeping dinner warm. If he didn't want to do what I wanted to do it would turn it to fight. He would either complain about the traffic of getting there or the parking. He would do this to the point it would ruin what ever we were suppose to do. So after awhile of this I would just give up on doing things. It was never any fun anymore. So now I want to start life anew. I want to do things for myself. As for doing things with my husband that's still a big fat no.

Anger

Man have I been rude to my husband. Its hard not to. Which I believe he deserves. Of course he dont know why. He is in such denial. He even asked if I wanted to have sex. Yeah maybe by myself. He had an anger issue this weekend. Of course he felt he was not out of control. I just want a loving family. I dont want to have to tiptoe around anymore.

2 1/2 weeks

I am now back home. My husband has had his second counselling appt. I will have my first on Friday. I will be going to a different agency then he is going. I told him that I dont know what my feelings are now. I am not sure if I even love him anymore. At bed time he thought I was going to sleep in the same bed as him. He does not get it! I can barly talk to him.

Its been week out of the house

Ok I been out of the house for a little over a week. So far he has done his own laundry(using fabric softner for soap), ran the dish washer and feed our son. I have been running back and forth taking our son to school and picking him up afterwards. Alot of gas! He did have his first therapy appt. Which wasnt much just asking family background. He goes back next week. I miss being home but dont miss being yelled at. Life would been better if he left, but I know that would never have happen. My feelings now are mostly missing my home. At first I was thinking I missed him but I beleive it more my house. I dont know at this point if there is any feelings left. I dont want to hurt my son.

The last week

Well started a major fight over nothing. I thought it was all over that day, then the next day he starts again. So for two days I do everything to avoid him. I dont talk to him I watch tv in a different room. Thinking he will understand I dont want to hear it again. Of course he finally admits that I had nothing to do with what caused his issue. But is still very angry and takes out on the whole family. I told him I was done. (which I have said before) He didnt beleive me yell at me if your going to say do it. So I did it! Found a place to stay for awhile and left him. Now he scheduled an appt. with a therapist. Well at this point that means nothing to me. I know walking out of the house could cost me my home, but how can I keep living with all that yelling?

Clever Girl Goes Blog: Tia: A cure for what ails you.

Clever Girl Goes Blog: Tia: A cure for what ails you.

The next 10 years

The guy who I enjoyed his company lost his job and left his wife. We lost contact. I became pregnant with my son. Well after awhile the company my husband and his friends worked for closed down. Of course the friends went their separate ways. My husband took a job at this one company and could not handle the work load. He got laid off because of all the problems he caused. His anger issues became very bad. He was banded from one place he was making delivery's. I told him if we didn't get help I was leaving. So we went to counselling. It helped why we there but as soon as we stopped it started again. I found out he stopped taking his meds. So for awhile I gave them to him with out him knowing. This helped alot. After awhile I stopped doing that and he wasn't as bad. Our next bad fight was when he felt he had every right to spend our money on a motorcycle. Well we went to counselling yet again. He promised to give up drinking for the motorcycle. Well that lasted about two monthes. Yet again when counselling was done things slowly went back to the way they were.

The Friends

Well after we were in our house for awhile my husband started hanging out with friends from work. Every Friday after work he would go to the bar. Instead of getting mad I would me him there. One of the guys from his work got close to my husband so him and his wife would come over a lot. Well I found out this guy was attracted to me. Well we use to flirt with each other all the time. We started sneaking kisses. Boy did we kiss a lot. We never had sex. I would have to say that is one of my happiest times in my marriage. My husband seemed to be a better person durning this time period also.

Todays fight

I want to jump to today because husband is pulling one of his childish ploys. It started the other day. He came home from work in a bad mood. Of course at first he tries to act like hes not upset but he cant hide it well. After a little bit of nudging he finally starts saying whats bothering him. He says his bother told him that he is normally a clean guy but that he smells. Of course this has to do with the way I wash the clothes. One time I made the mistake of telling him I forgot to put the clothes in the dryer and had to rewash them. So he thinks that I am the cause of his stink problems. So I told him the basement smells of mildew and I don't complain to him to take care of it. So today he starts with the complaining first saying that I didn't clean the stove. Well I was cooking on the stove. He says I mean from yesterday. He knows he does it better than me and we have talked about this. But his excuse is that he is tried. He is always tried. He hasnt done anything about the weeds out front. So then he starts with his brother again saying that he stinks. He gets me so mad and then says he is to tried to fight. My mistake is letting this go for so long. I dont know how to end it.

The House

I really thought once we bought our own house things would be much better. Wow was I wrong. If you are not sure about your marrige dont buy a house. Well he hates to cut grass. We only have a very small section that needs to be cut and still he dont want to do it. The one time I cut it he got mad cause the neighbors saw me do it. He's not embrassed about the tall weeds but that I got them. Fixing something in house well if he does do it I get the dirty looks (like why are you doing this to me). Or he breaks something and its everyones fault but his. But when I break something I didnt know what I was doing. I like to leave the house when he is doing something so I dont get all the wrath.

The first five years

There was alot of fighting I would leave for a day and of course come back. The house had to be clean at all times. My daughter could not be playing in the living room when he got home from work. He never cooked or did dishes. Even when he was out of work for awhile. We had a tiny apartment. There were good days but looking back it seems that its easier to remember the pain. At this point he wouldnt hit me cause he knew I would call the police. Boy did he threaten to. I quess because of that I would throw things sometimes at him. We moved to a different apartment and he got a different job. Then the whinning started about how much he hated his job. Everytime he had a bad day he would want to quit. Hes a truck driver on the road most of the time. He would have to unload the truck and bring it in to the store. The stuff was always to heavy for him. I think that thought came from his father always telling him he was to small for hard work. He would never look for another job. My thought is if you hate you job start looking for something else. The one thing I hated the most was how he would tell me to go clean up the kitchen. I mean there would be one bowl or one spoon in the sink and I have to go clean it.

The beginning

I want everyone to know that how man acts when dating is going to be the way he acts married. He may change a little with age, some things better some things worse. My husband has a temper. He had when we stated dating and God only knows why I stayed with him. He hit me and screamed at me all the time. I do want to say the hitting has stopped. I think one of the reasons I stayed with him is that we had a child together. Plus low self esteem. We have been married for over 20yrs now. Just because we are still together doesnt mean things are good. I do regret getting married. I will write more at another time. Please feel free to ask any questions.